Uh oh...another Monkey-related article

"I don't wish to answer any questions at this time about any sexual propensity I have toward non-human or non-monkey creatures."

- Dr. Martin J. Care 

What has two legs, two arms, and walks standing up?  What has the ability to use tools, have empathy, and feel love?  What is something that is so close to being human, that you might as well just call them human?  You're right - the common monkey, my favorite vertebrate in the phylum Chordata.

Let's play a quick game.  You dress a fully grown, adult monkey in human clothes and sit them down at a restaurant.  Maybe they have a plate of food and a glass of wine in front of them.  No stand back about 200 feet.  Is that a human or a monkey?  Obviously, you cannot tell.  At that moment, they are the same thing.  It's natural to have deep feelings of love and devotion towards the human shape and figure.  After all, the first few humans on earth had sex with monkeys all the time - how else do you think we got here.  Are you saying it is okay for our ancestors to have sex with monkeys, but I cannot?  That is called Ageism - and I can take legal action against those who claim otherwise.