Truth and Consequences

"Truth is knowing that most decisions you make in life will be incorrect. The consequences are knowing that is the truth."

 - Dr. Martin J. Care

You feel inadequate.  Yes.  You feel incomplete.  Yes.  You feel like your life has zero purpose.  Yes.  If you answered, "yes" to all of these statements, you are being truthful with yourself.

Truth is like a woman with long, dark hair, black lipstick, wearing a skin-tight latex suit.  It is powerful and scary, intimidating and sexual all at once.  One one hand you want to run away from it because she is too much to handle.  You are afraid of being judged and embarrassed.  On the other hand, you are drawn toward her - hoping that she will nourish you and keep you warm in a small cage-like living space. 

This dichotomy causes frustration.

Consequences come from the truth.  Here is a great, real life analogy: I enjoy burning myself.  I light a candle and see how close, and for how long, I can get various pieces of my body to the flame.  The smell of burning hair and flesh is so visceral.  The truth is I am not flame resistant.  The consequence is I have blisters and boils all across my fingers, arms, legs, and groin.  Do I enjoy this process of burning myself?  Yes and no.  Of course I like the release of other inner pain that I suffer from.  And yes, it is easy to cover up from others who do not want to accept your consequences (scars).  Conversely, burning yourself takes dedication.  You have to be strong enough to look at yourself in the mirror afterwards and tell your reflection that you are the one in control.  Your reflection may try to take control and attempt to convince you that he is the one pulling the strings, but you must stand up and say, "No!"  I try to limit the amount of mirrors and reflective surfaces that I have in my house.  I don't want my reflected surface to be shouting and cursing at me.

Here it is, plain and simple: The truth is going to hurt you.  The consequences are going to hurt you.  Take control and hurt yourself first.  Don't let these external ideas, (especially your reflection,) dictate when and how you will be in pain.  You can do it first by burning yourself.  It is so much better than cutting because it is more discrete and you have less to clean up (blood).