Emails - 5/17

I only buy the essentials when I go shopping - you know, stuff like hand lotion and hand oil.  You can never have enough skin moisturizers; after all, what happens if the right mood strikes you and you are out of lubrication?

Martian H

My neighbor installed a bunch of surveillance equipment and spy cameras all over my home while I was at work.  He thinks I don’t notice it, but I certainly do.  I am just playing coy and trying to act natural and boring until he gets tired of watching me and uninstalls everything.

Bill S

A lot of my dolls are very delicate and feminine.  I try not to get nervous in front of them, but they are so beautiful and perfect — it’s hard to keep my composure and stay calm.  I just don’t want them to think I’m awkward when I’m around.

Hank R

My dad is digging a well in our basement for our garbage.  He told me that only chumps pay for waste management services and that we are saving tens of thousands of dollars a year by taking care of it ourselves.  On hot days, our house smells like really old milk, but I suppose you can’t beat those savings.

Jeff S