9/16/09: Alien Nation - with Carter Rockwell

Recorded/Transcribed: 9/16/2009 - WTTT's United Public Radio

This is United Public Radio.  Proudly broadcasting across our beautiful flat earth since 1992.

Now its time to grab your gun, pack your rations, and head into your protection bunker - its Alien Nation with Carter Rockwell.

The truth is ever evolving - just like how humans have ever since we were placed on earth 2,000 years ago.  The truth is not stagnant.  The truth can blossom and wither and return again.  A true phoenix rising from the ashes of a small, woodland creature.  Truth can also vary.  I can say one thing that is true, that you don't believe in.  On the contrary, you can say something that you see as the truth, and you can pretty much guarantee that I will not believe it.  My ex-wife and I went through this all the time, especially when it came to a certain paternal test that I was forced to take.  Karen, if you are listening, Mark cannot be my son.  I removed my testicles long before we ever met - out of fear of potentially developing testicular cancer.

Testicular cancer - that is a rough one.  Generally, within the various groups of people that I associate myself with - when we talk about or write about or sing songs about the "Big T" - we capture one of a few different emotions - pain, loss, acceptance, hunger.  Followers, this is important, when the sun supernovas, you are going to loose your testicles anyway...why should we put off our eventual castrations?  Don't delay the inevitable.  It will only cause more pain in the future if you don't act now.  Remember followers, testicular cancer kills.  Think about it this way - which would you rather have: preventing testicular cancer via a nice, relaxing, medicated surgery...or having the sun's supernova eradicate your entire body?  Go ahead and choose now.

Ok- that is enough on my and yours and our testicles.  Now onto something equally as important and equally misshapen and skewed by our media.  I was reading from the Global Star yesterday and saw a very interesting article about dalmatians' adrenal glands and how people are harvesting these glands for profit.  Wow.  How come this is not on every newspaper and magazine and religious tract and radio/television broadcast?  This is massive.  Can you understand what this is going to do to an already muted economy?  First off, what does this mean for the average civilian?  Suddenly, we have a new revenue source.  Suddenly, we are paying off student loans and home debts and DUI court costs.  What does this mean for the business owner?  Suddenly, they have a new market to dip their finger in.  What does this mean for the homeless child that doesn't have enough bread to eat at night?  It means, they will no longer go hungry.

Let's now go to a little thing called a telephone...have you ever heard of it?  You can make calls on it and talk to people from far away...seesh...unbelievable!

KEVIN FROM SALT LAKE CITY, YOU MORON!  YOU ARE NOW TALKING TO ME ON A TELEPHONE!

Kevin - Carter, I am just like you, I have three extra fingers on my right hand, have integrated grass and leafs into my diet, and was born on an asteroid orbiting Jupiter.  Anyway, here is my comment, "Why are eagles illegal to eat?  They are delicious and a great source of protein!"

Kevin, great point.  Eagles are delicious and if you ask me, I rate them just above flamingo, but not quite as good as penguin.  It's amazing to me that in a country that is so pro second amendment, we aren't allowed to shoot whatever we want, whenever we want.  Shooting an eagle should be the ultimate demonstration of true American freedoms and liberties.

Lyle from Ocean View, New Mexico - if you don't speak now, I am hanging up on you and immediately calling the police for psychological harassment.

Lyle - Hello Carter.  I just realized something.  I am invincible - just like that famous superhero in the red cape and underwear.  Don't believe me?  I am at the top of a building and am going to jump now!

Lyle - I believe you.  So if you are going to jump, jump.  I also believe in thinning the heard.  If only more people were like Lyle, we would either have a great pool of genetically gifted humans flying around or less people to compete with in an increasingly strangled planet.

Well - that is all that I can muster for today.  I know the show has only lasted roughly 7 minutes, but guess what?  There is nothing you can do about it!  You don't know me and you are not my boss!