8/19/12: Clear Skin Today - with Topas Freebries

Recorded/Transcribed: 8/19/2012 - WTTT's United Public Radio

This is United Public Radio.  Putting the L in "Public" since we got charged for indecent broadcasting.

Now is the time to take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself the question, "I want to look better."  Its "Clear Skin Today with Topas Freebries."

Hello everyone.  Say it with me now, "Everyone has skin."  "Everyone has skin."  People, you need to have clear skin if you are going to make it in the world today.  That is a fact.  People will not look at you with the respect nor the dignity you deserve if you have a big pimple or white head growing on your nose.  I am sorry, but that is a cold dead, buried in my backyard, right next to our pond....but don't actually go looking there, because this is just a very long metaphor... FACT.

Lets take a look at today's clear skin tip.  This was submitted by a listener in Paducha, Kentucky.  Sherri tells us that she has had wonderful luck with a big o'l swatch of 150 grit sand paper and just going to town on her blemishes, sanding off the first few layers of damaged skin, and waiting for her body to recover.

People, your skin is just like a cat's tail; if you cut one off, the body will grow it back.  Thank you very much Serri for the suggestion.  Now, if you have a tip or trick or cheat that will make your skin look and feel years younger, please email me at Perfect.skin.perfect.life@gmail.com

Here is something that we were going to talk about last time, but ran out of time.  Ed Geine was a sick and depraved human that used people's skin to create coats and furniture.  Now, God forbid this ever happen to you, but if you were to be kidnapped and your skin was going to become someone's new hat, don't you want to have the confidence to know that that hat will actually look good?

Confidence is a word that I like to use a lot on "Clear Skin Today."  Confidence is half the battle to a happier life.  The other half of the battle is paying an exorbitant amount of money on cleansers, scrubs, and pharmaceuticals to actually achieve that perfect skin.  But again, it all starts with confidence.  Look at yourself in the mirror and use words like "yes" and "of course" and "wow- now I have perfect skin."  Soon, you will feel better and believe in yourself--even if it is a lie.

Ok great.  Lets now hear from some of our "Clear Skin Today" listeners.

Lonnie from Garden Grove, CA - your ear and mouth skin is now on the air.  How can we make you look even better?

Lonnie- Hello Topas.  My skin is really oily.  How can I fix it and fix my failing marriage because of it?

Lonnie, my skin cells go out to you and yours.  If you life partner does not embrace you through the oily times, how can you be sure that they will support you through the clear skin times?  Some people really like oily skin...its a very small sect of the population and it is usually in conjunction with some sort of fetish...but some people like it.  I say - ditch the spouse and find someone that loves your skin for who it is.

Kevin from Salt Lake City.  You are now speaking with me, Topas Freebries.

Kevin- Topas, I have a major, skin-related problem.  All of skin seems to be falling off.  I have tried everything to keep it attached to my body- tape, glue, staples, clips...but nothing works.  How do you keep your skin on.

Kevin from Salt Lake City, the secret to beautiful, healthy, attached skin is simple, yogurt.  Specifically, unflavored, unseasoned yogurt.  You should be eating it, drinking it, smearing it, and absorbing it.  The pro-biotics in the yogurt will keep your skin and your skin memory healthy.

Jillian from Fruita, UT - You are on the air.  Your skin is a canvas.  Let us paint an answer to your question.

Jillian - Jillian, I mean Topas, I am in a really tough spot right now.  I just got a full body tattoo and now my skin is really dry and bumpy and painful.  What can I do?  I am really starting to think that this tattoo thing was a real mistake!

Jillian, we are hear to help.  I want to help you cure your ailments and cleanse you of your transgressions.  First thing is first.  Its time to lube up.  You need to cover your affected skin with a hydrating cream.  Let that soak into your color-clogged pores.  Then you need to follow that up with a menthol-based balm.  Let that sooth your epidermis.  Finally, you need a aloe-based gel or paste.  Let that rejuvenate and provide relief to your flesh.  Each of these steps may take up to 8 hours.  And you should be doing this every day for a few months.  Check back in with us and let us know how it goes.

Well, that is about all the time we have here on Clear Skin Today.  Tune in tomorrow when we take a look at the fun arts and crafts you can make with your skin tags after removal.  Remember, your skin is an organ just like your heart or brain, make sure you treat it with respect.