2/11/11: Farming Today - with Tim Reynolds

Recorded/Transcribed: 2/11/2011 - WTTT's United Public Radio

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Now its time to put on your overalls, hop on your tracker, and check in down at the farm.  It's "Farming Today," with Tim Reynolds.  Just imagine that, an entire show dedicated to what is happening in world of farmers.  Why do we have a show like this when our demographics show a young and urban audience?  Its time for us to change our programming.  I think I will talk to the station manager.  Maybe I should have gotten a different job.  I never wanted to be here doing this.

Howdy y'all!  How ya doing?  That's good.  That's good.  I am using my imaginations and I am hearing y'all saying that you're good and well rested.  I know its only 4:30 in the morning, but I have been up since 10 pm last night.  We all know that working on the farm is tough and requires us to work long hours.  Dirt is tough.  Bugs are tough.  Corn is tough.  But we must overcome.  I was walking on my back 40 a few days ago and I came across a dismembered calf.  It was all chewed up and it was missing its head and back legs.  It also looked like it had been dropped from a great height.  Folks- that was a tough decision.  I had to make the call- do I dig a shallow grave and bury it, or do I grab my knife and filet it up for a family dinner?  Well, let me just say this, we have our meat locker full of steak and shoulder meat.

Alrighty, I was reading the most recent addition of "International Harvester Weekly" and I saw a really interesting article.  The title was, "Rejuvenate your crop with Hydro-Plastic."  Folks, I am excited for what the future holds.  The article is talking about this new, science-like plastic that keeps your crop wet and fed after one application.  Its a plastic coating that your crops use and thrive off of.  This is in place of the regular water, fertilizer, and other GMO-influenced solutions that we farmers use and trust.  Think about that friends, no more wasteful water.  No more weeding.  No more pesticides or poisons or gases that we usually apply to our crops.  No more having to hide those giant canisters of ammonium hydroxide and dumping our waste water in the local creek.  And no more having to hang metallic shields around our property to keep the magnetic balls of energy from plowing into our land.  We can just use Hydro-Plastic.

Friends, let me be open and honest with you.  After all, I am just a regular, no-nonsense farmer, with a limited education, limited vocabulary, and a limited sense of how modernization will eventually put me out of a job.  My last few harvests have been very, very poor.  In fact, last season, I lost nearly 75% of my land to a crop fire that I may or may not have started when I was shooting off some fireworks.  I lost another 30% from a potato bug infestation.  I lost another 10% from me driving through my crop when I thought the governmental agents were coming after me again.  I lost another 5% from me misplacing my land's topographical maps.  And yet another 40% from another fire.  Luckily, the subsides that I receive will still keep me in the red...or the black...whichever is the good one.

Let's now converse with some other local farmers.  And that's what I love about the show - talking with the true, mud and crust, heart-of-the-earth workers, just like you.

Benjy from New York City, you are on Farming Today.

Benjy- Hi Tim.  My family and I have 95 acres just dedicated to carrots and parsnips.  We love these vegetables.  The problem is, no one is buying them.  What can I do, Farmer Tim?

Benjy, I had the same problem with my lettuce crop a few years ago when we had a bunch of large, geometric figures plowed into the soil.  When we harvested, all of the lettuce was really hard and brittle.  It felt like the leafs were ceramic and it tasted like graphite.  But we were still able to sell it to our local food shelf.  They will take anything.

Kevin from Salt Lake City, pull up a seat, you are on "Farming Today."

Kevin - Farmer Tim, my brother is claiming that half of all of our father's land is his and the other half is mine.  I want it all or I am going to start a fight and I might even start crying!  I want it all!

Kevin, land acquisition is a tough thing and something that drives nearly every family apart.  What I suggest is talking with your brother and father about your feelings.  Open communication is key.  And if that doesn't work, I have a bunch of illegal seeds that you can plant on your brother's half in retaliation.

Well folks, that is all the time we have for today's program.  Tune in tomorrow when we play a repeat of today's show.  From everyone down on the farm, I am saying - good morning.